Qualified To Write

Qualified To Write

There are times when I am asked if I’m married. Some ask in flirting. Some ask to understand where I get such knowledge and information about my subject matter. I tell them them that the time I wrote the books, “What Whoso Findeth A Wife Really Means”, and “Knowing the God Spot in your Heart”, I was not married. Needless to say, I’ve gotten various questions and reactions.

I can understand and respect the need that most people have to put their trust only in someone who is a teacher, preacher, a licensed expect or someone with any number of degrees. I even understand of they trust celebrities who can really relate. However, my definition of someone who I’d consider “qualified” to help me is anyone who could give me answers and information that works. So what better Person is there for me to go to about marriage and relationship matters than God, the Creator Himself?

Upon my discovery that God is far more willing to answer questions and to give wisdom than anyone else, I went to God, not because I was an expert, but because I was not successful as I felt I could be in my relationship matters. It was obvious to me that I was no expert. It was also obvious to me that I was not as “qualified” or as knowledgeable in relationships with spiritual people as I may have thought myself to be. I had quickly learned that not all tricks and trades used in dating, relationships, and marriages in the natural world will work the same, if at all, in spiritual dating, relationships, and marriages. The mindsets between the two are totally different.

Rather than going to God under the pretense of being qualified, I went to God to get qualified. Somewhere I was missing it. And so were a whole lot of other people who I knew that wanted to get married (or to remarry). Most single people who want to get married or remarried know the scripture, “He who findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD” (Proverbs 18:22). However, as much as we stood and depended on this scripture for a mate, it was just not working. I wanted to know “why”.

In His compassion, the LORD showed me many marvelous things about what this scripture, “whoso findeth a wife“—really means”. Not only did I become more “qualified” by God’s word and revelations for success and happiness in my own relationships, I was also blessed to be a blessing to others. I sought out to share with others what God shared with me. I still seek to share with more and more people in the Church and all over the world what God has shown me. IT WORKS!

How do I know it works? I have taken the time to find out how God has empowered Proverbs 18:22 to work.  And I have seen it work for others. I’ve heard and collected numerous testimonies from people who have read and understood Proverbs 18:22 from perspectives that God has revealed to me.

By the way, at the time of this writing, I am so very blessed to have a very beautiful woman in my life, who loves me very much. She’s read my books. She has gotten to know me through what she’s read in my books, and what she read in me. In fact, she’s such a believer in the things that God has given me to write; she has now become a self-appointed agent to help see to it that these books get out around the world.

Glory be to God!


Almost nothing can spoil going shopping together, a leisurely walk, or a night out for dinner quicker than a man who gets caught looking at another woman by the woman he is with. This is a very sensitive matter even for some of the strongest of women. It is a matter that is easily offensive and hardly forgiven.

I dated a young lady one time (a very short period of time) whom it seemed that I would need to hold her hand to keep her from running into the walls because her eyes were so focused on me, watching to see if I’m looking at other women as we walked. It was terrible. By the time we got to the restaurant I had completely loss my appetite. It wasn’t bad enough that she’d ask me, “What’s wrong with you?” She’d say things like, “Would you rather be sitting here with that woman that you were undressing with your eyes?”

God’s word has a lot to say about sight, vision, imagination, focus, what to look at, and what not to look at. As a man, I offer no excuse for myself or any other man for the trouble we can sometimes get ourselves into because of what we see, look at, and focus on. However, what I have come to detest, in my maturing age, is being stereotyped with other men who use such pitiful excuses like, “I’m only a man, I can’t help myself”. As if these excuses are good enough reasons to expect compassion and understanding from the woman in this matter.

I have learned that there is a difference between “looking” and “seeing”. You can’t help “seeing” but you can help “looking”. The difference is “focus”. In my experiences, I’ve never heard a woman complain about what a man “sees”. What she does complain about is when a man “looks” at other women, as in going beyond seeing to “focusing”. What is focusing? Focusing happens in those more than necessary extra seconds of attention given to another. Focusing is confirmed when you go beyond seeing with your eyes, but now your head is turning. Everything after that (whistling, panting, cat-calling, drooling, etc.) is just plain criminal!

Is there a cure? Yes! Contrary to the usual defenses such as, “I can’t help myself”, “I’m only a man”, “I just can’t go around with my eyes closed”, and “God gave me eyes to see with”; there IS a cure. It’s called, “honor” and “respect”.

I have now disciplined myself to “see” and not “look”. It’s hard, but worth the efforts. I make conscious efforts to honor and be thankful for the beauty and presence of the person with me, and I make myself sensitive to her feelings. Knowing that she may look at me to see if I’m going to look at the other, I beat her to the punch and look at her with a flirting smile on my face for her! I may even give her a spontaneous compliment, which seems to work well in disarming a bomb before it has a chance to go off. And, guess what? IT WORKS!


Nothing is more abhorring than to see a good and godly woman being used, abused, neglected, rejected, and wasted on some idiot excuse of a man who willingly refuses to acknowledge and treat that woman as the gift and blessing that God made her to be.

Truth be told, it’s just about as abhorring to see a woman that allows and puts up with this kind of behavior, and mistreatment, for long periods of time, only to watch things grow worse and worse. Now that I think about it, there are good and godly men who go through this exact same thing with women. Why is this so? How is this so? There are people who knowingly go beyond extremes, who admit that they know better, who admit that it should stop, and even admit that it should have never gotten this far, yet, something inside them drives them to go on a little further, a little longer. What is this? What’s the cause? What’s the cure?

In many cases, the victims in these relationships and marriages share a common addiction the other persons’ acceptance and approval. Throughout past generations women were taught and raised to be good wives, serve their husbands, stick by the man and never leave them no matter what. Their place was in the home and for the home. The approval from what women did back then in the home and for the man was vital to their level of self-satisfaction and accomplishment.

Even as times has changed in today’s modern relationship mindset, the need for most women to feel approved and appreciated for her contributions towards a happy relationship has not changed (except maybe from her dependency on the man has forcibly turned into dependency on herself—what a tragedy). When the supply for acceptance, approval and appreciation from either party begins to wane and disappear, that feeling of “something is missing” begins to haunt and taunt that relationship or marriage. That feeling of something is missing becomes easily interpreted (or misinterpreted) as, “The thrill is gone”.

The answer? Get your priorities right! Get GOD into your ministry to that other significant one, and put serving God FIRST! THAT’S what’s really missing! When you put serving that other person before serving God, your priorities will be misplaced, and so will the true rewards and blessings of your love be misplaced.

The REAL blessings that make a woman a true “help meet” and a really “good thing” is when she has committed herself to FIRST be a wife IN SERVICE to God, THEN in ministry to the husband (or husband to be). From the giving of herself to first be a wife in service to God, then in ministry to the man, all the acceptance, approval, and appreciation she will ever need will come FIRST from God. Anything after that…is extra!

The man that has the godly sense to recognize, acknowledge, appreciate, and take good and godly care of the wife (or wife to be) that God has given to be a good thing and help meet to him, is a man who has truly found “The Favor of God”.