Almost nothing can spoil shopping experience, a leisurely walk, or a night out for dinner together quicker than a man who gets caught looking at another woman by the woman he is with. This is a very sensitive matter even for some of the strongest of women. It is a matter that is easily offensive and hardly forgiven.
I once dated a peticular young lady (for a very short period of time). As we walked together, her eyes were so focused on me, watching to see if I was looking at other women, that she could not see where she was going. It seemed that I had to hold her hand in order to keep her from walking into a wall. It was terrible. By the time we arrived at the restaurant I had completely lost my appetite. It wasn’t bad enough that she’d ask me, “What’s wrong with you?” She’d say things like, “Would you rather be sitting here with that woman that you were undressing with your eyes?”
God’s word has a lot to say about sight, vision, imagination, focus, what to look at, and what not to look at. As a man, I offer no excuse for myself or any other man for the trouble we can sometimes get ourselves into because of what we see, look at, and focus on. However, what I have come to detest, in my maturing age, is being stereotyped with other men who use such pitiful excuses like, “I’m only a man, I can’t help myself”. As if these excuses are good enough reasons to expect compassion and understanding from the woman in this matter.
I have learned that there is a difference between “looking” and “seeing”. You can’t help “seeing” but you can help “looking”. The difference is “focus”. In my experiences, I’ve never heard a woman complain about what a man “sees”.What she does complain about is when her man’s “looking” at other women, goes beyond “seeing” to “focusing”. What is focusing? Focusing happens in those unnecessary extra seconds of attention given to another. Focusing is confirmed when you go beyond seeing with your eyes to turning your head. Everything after that (whistling, panting, cat-calling, drooling, etc.) is just plain criminal!
Is there a cure? Yes! Contrary to the usual defenses such as, “I can’t help myself”, “I’m only a man”, “I just can’t go around with my eyes closed”, and “God gave me eyes to see with”; there IS a cure. It’s called, “honor” and “respect”.
I have now disciplined myself to “see” and not “look”. It’s hard, but worth the efforts. I make conscious efforts to honor and be thankful for the beauty and presence of the person with me, and I make myself sensitive to her feelings. Knowing that she may look at me to see if I’m going to look at the other, I beat her to the punch and look at her with a flirting smile on my face for her! I may even give her a spontaneous compliment, which seems to work well in disarming a bomb before it has a chance to go off. And, guess what? IT WORKS!